Reagan,
I know you won’t believe this, but I am you 14 years from now. I know that doesn’t make sense but a lot of stuff in your life doesn’t make sense so deal with it. I’m writing you to talk to you about some things that will help you in the future. Now, I obviously know you and I know that you won’t really listen to anything I say, because you’re hot-headed and think you know everything there is to know, but you don’t. So, trust me (you) and shut up and listen a little.
For starters, let’s talk a little about that attitude of yours. It sucks. You’re not a victim, so quit acting like one. So you moved to a town where it’s really hard to adjust. Suck it up and get over it. You’ll only be there a few years before you’re back out but some of those people you’ll meet will mean the world to you and others; forgotten names. Cherish the time you have with your close friends, the yard rolling (except for getting shot at), the church groups you run around with, and just the time that’s available to you. Life will pick up soon so enjoy that time you have there.
Now, you got really lucky with that whole dropping out of high school stunt. Right now you’re embarrassed everyday because you actually went back to finish and you should be. You weren’t smarter or have it figured out any better, you just got lucky with that stunt. It actually was probably what needed to happen. Thank God for blessing that idiotic move. I know it’s really hard to hold your chin high every day when you’re getting talked about but just persevere. You’ll learn, if you haven’t already, that you can actually sing a little and someone’s gonna pay you to go to college to do that. I know, but it’s true. Thank God again Reagan. So, hang on to your good friends again and you’ll get through LHS just fine and you will actually make a few folks proud of you for finishing. It’ll be a good feeling in the end. On to Southern Union.
This place is going to change your life! Seriously, this is going to be 2 of the most fun and challenging times of your life. You’re going to actually be a pretty good student. Something about that extra year of high school will end up lighting a fire under your butt so make the best of it. Do NOT take biology at 6:45 am! It seems like a good idea but is horrible. Trust me. Really Reagan, embrace this time. Don’t get your feelings hurt when friends you go there with sort of split off and don’t spend a lot of time with you. They’ll be growing as individuals,just like you will be, and it’s a good thing. You’re going to meet some amazing people here. You’re going to meet a few dirt bags too but they’ll pass. These are awesome folks primarily so make the most of it. You pretty much will without me telling you to but if there’s anything left to squeeze out of that, do. Now, you’ll downplay the first scholarship because you just will, but don’t be afraid to go after others. Just apply to Montevallo. That’s it. You’ll get scholarships all over the state but, just go to Montevallo. If you thought you had a good time at SUSCC, you won’t believe what happens at Montevallo. Be patient. I know that’s tough for you but be patient. Montevallo will end up giving you the scholarship you want so don’t be a hothead again and buy that dumb trailer in Auburn, only to leave before the fall semester starts. You’re going to put people in a bad position trying to help you so just don’t waste your time. Oh, Montevallo…
I don’t really know anything to tell you here honestly. You do pretty good here on your own. Your time in College Night is incredible, you love your time in PiKA. You make a lot of friends, make good grades, and have the time of your life. If anything, just take this time to realize that again, you still don’t know everything and for God’s sake, don’t try to hurry through life. Just take your time with it. Rough times are ahead Reagan and they’ll stick around for a while! Take your time, make the best out of Montevallo, and just love life. You’re going to laugh a lot, make a lot of memories with a lot of people, and this place will end up changing you. Some for the better and some for the worse. Be aware Reagan. Be present in your life through here. You won’t learn this concept of being present til later in your 20’s, so please listen now. Be present, be aware, and don’t just be reactive to your life. Every decision you make here will affect you and if you’re not proactively being the person you want to be, you’ll be made into someone you don’t want to be whether you like it or not.
Let’s skip to the rough patch because you’re going to do what you want to do anyway. Beware of December 2006. It’s a doozie. You’ll experience something that, even as I write this at 32, none of your friends have dealt with. You’ll get through it and move on, but be careful about how you do it. To compensate, you’ll drink way too much and party way too much Reagan. Now don’t get me wrong; you’ll make some great memories and I still have close friendships that were forged during this time. However, you’ll make bad decisions with your career and money and you’ll pay for that…for a long few years.
During this time Reagan, take the time to find out who you are, and who you want to be. Don’t try to be who others want you to be. You’ll feel the need for acceptance and friendship more than ever right now and I, even now, understand the tendency to feel that you should do some things you’re not proud of but don’t. Be someone you can be proud of when you go to sleep at night. Don’t think about just that moment or experience but think about the man you’re becoming. You’ll look back at a point in your life in 2008 and be ashamed of yourself. Still, the silver lining here is that you’ll make friendships that you still have and are very important to you so, have fun at the Ocho, play soccer with them when they ask you to, and be prepared to let some people down; worst of all yourself.
You’re going to wish you could have never lived the year of 2007. It will be horrible. You’ll be embarrassed and will probably not be real honest with a lot of people about what’s going on. Even now, I can sympathize with that sentiment. You’ll be someone who everybody knows your business and out of sheer shame and embarrassment, you’ll lie to try to save face. There’s probably a better way to handle that but, I still can’t say I blame ya’. Most the people you’ll know won’t understand. And don’t worry about Jason, he’ll be upset for a little while but you guys will be just fine and better. Maybe one day people will realize that you were just trying to hold your chin up high when you didn’t know how, but if they don’t, just pray they never will have to.
You’ll go from the top of the mountain to the deepest trough in the ocean this year. Take ownership of some of it Reagan and slow that snowball down a little. Some of this situation will just be life kicking you in the mouth and you can’t do anything about it, but the reactions and your response to these situations will be critical. They’ll end up being more crucial, and in my experience, damaging, to your future than the original hand that Life dealt you. Don’t flip out. Take things in stride as best as you can. It won’t be easy and when it starts, it’ll be like a Tsunami so, head for the high ground. Make the right decisions. You’ll end up feeling more loneliness, more embarrassment, more shame, and more pain than you ever have and ever thought you could, but again, give thanks to God because He’s gonna blow your mind in 2008!!!
You’ll get through 2007 finally, have fun at the beginning of 2008 and in April God will really blow your mind and teach you more about Himself and you than you can imagine! You’re still gonna be down on yourself, sleeping in your truck periodically (it’s your own fault), and sleeping on couches a lot, always about 4 or 5 days from getting that truck repossessed, and hungry a lot. But, late March and early April, God will reveal himself to you in a very unexpected way and it will change you forever.
Meg Upton. Even writing this now it still amazes me but, Meg Upton will be your angel. You will tell her on numerous occasions to not get mixed up with you but she won’t listen. You’ll be literally days from leaving for the Navy, but you’ll stay because of her. You’ll be looking for God to answer your tearful prayers totally different from He chooses to. You’ll need money, you’ll need someone to believe in you, you’ll need a genuine love around you, you’ll need hugs, you’ll need someone to tell you it’ll be okay, you’ll need someone to just make you laugh, and you’ll need someone to just smile when they see you. Meg will help with all of them and just because that’s who she is. You’ll not have to hide from her, run from her, lie to her, or be someone else. She will love you, truthfully and faithfully, faults and all…situations and all. God will put demonstrate Himself to you through her and she won’t even know it. Y’all will have a lot of fun and 2008’s gonna be a great year for you after all. You’re gonna get a good job and you’re gonna get engaged to that awesome little lady. God will begin his redemption of you in 2008. You won’t believe that He will for a long time and sometimes you won’t think you’re gonna make it, but when she changes your life by just being herself, watch out. We got another fire lit to get some stuff straightened out.
2009 is just a continuation of 2008 and a little better. You and Meg together will continue your improvement of the situations that exist. You’ll get rid of those debts, you’ll enjoy your job, Meg will graduate, y’all will get your first apartment, then BOOM! October 3rd, 2009 you’ll marry your Angel. Wow how God will bless you when you think He’s not even there just a couple of years earlier. Now, don’t get arrogant here because it’s because of people around you and God that you’ll be able to make these changes. All you need to do is take advantage of opportunities when they arise.
The next couple of years up until where I am writing this right now will have tribulations and trials, caused by just life and stuff out of your control and some by your own idiotic and ridiculous bad decision-making skills. You’ll get laid off, forsaken by friends, you’ll face defeat, and will hurt people. Life won’t be perfect and again, some of it’s your fault and some of it isn’t. All you can do is be the person that you feel you need to be. However, you’ll continue to see God more and more everyday. He’ll continue to bless your marriage to Meg in ways that will make your jaw drop. You’ll realize that no matter what you face, the two of you will get through it just fine, and actually come out stronger and more in love on the backside. You’ll be told once, “the higher the temperature, the stronger the steel.” That will be you two. You’ll get through everything you face whether it’s your fault or not and be better on the backside. Now, I’m writing this just after our 2 year anniversary and it’s been a heck of a two years with all signs pointing up and up.
Basically Reagan, don’t be angry. You have no real reason to be angry at life or any person.
Don’t let circumstances or people mold you into someone you don’t want to be, no matter how good of friends you may think you are, or that you’re ashamed of. Judge yourself by God’s opinion and not that of the people around you. Sometimes you’ll find yourself in situations where the people around you have one agenda and it disagrees with your spirit. Don’t be afraid to go against the grain in those situations and be who you are. Don’t be confrontational in general, but don’t let people make you someone you’re not because you may look backwards one day and be ashamed of your actions. You be you and be a person of principle and morals. (I’ll work on this one for the rest of my life.)
Relax a little bit and “be present’ in your life. If you’re eating lunch with someone, then make the best of that lunch time with that person. If you’re reading a book, don’t think about other stuff but take time to really read it. If you’re on the patio playing cornhole (it’s not around yet but you’ll love it), just enjoy the people you’re with. Always make the most of what you’re doing right then. If you’re at work…work hard. If you’re at play…play hard.
Be gentle. You’re a real asshole when you want to be and that still hasn’t stopped so I can’t help you there but maybe if I had tried to stop when I was 18 I might be better off. Just be more gentle. You’ll get farther with people. No matter how much you think they do, hardly anybody you know will really give a crap about your opinion or thoughts. So, be more gentle and it will people relate to you better. You’ll also have less apologizing to do probably and hurt less people in the long run.
Be loyal. You’ll experience a lot of people turning their back on you and forsaking you. It will hurt every time no matter the circumstances. A couple will talk to you before hand but most will not. You won’t be perfect at this yourself but try. As I write this, this is a trait found less and less in people in this society so “be what you want to see in the world.” There’s something to be said Reagan for a person that is always there in tough times for their friends. You won’t do everything right and you’ll hurt people, even those you love. But, even a dog bites it’s owner than will lay his life down to defend him.
Laugh a lot. At 32, you’ll find it harder to laugh than you do now. I don’t know if it has to be that way but always enjoy laughing and making others laugh. Trying to joke around and make others laugh isn’t immature or stupid. It’s tonic for the soul and it will help you, and others a lot between 18 and 32. It’s a gift you have so don’t let life get you down or keep you fromusing this gift because you won’t be the only one hurt. God blessed you with this ability so don’t take it for granted.
Don’t be selfish. I may have just not been aware of it when I was your age, but geez this world has gotten so self-centered. Realize you have gifts, abilities, and that to a very small group of people, just you being their friend is a gift to them. Just don’t be a selfish jerk who always thinks of himself first. You do, rather you believe it or not, have a lot to offer and friendship is a gift in itself. Love your Meg unselfishly. She does that for you without trying so return that favor you a-hole. You’ll find that sometime around your late 20’s, you’ll lose some pride and get down on yourself and will question what you have to offer anyone. Remember, you can always offer love, a hug, a smile, help, and a friendship.
Believe in people. This one is short and sweet. Everybody has struggles and makes mistakes. Now, most won’t admit they do but they do. Some will be like you and need nothing more than someone who believes in them and demonstrates it. Get to really know people, and once you know them, don’t let circumstance or rumors or anything tell you different. Even good people do bad things and just as Meg will believe in you when not many others do and invest in you, you can do that for others. Don’t give up on people you care about just as God doesn’t give up on you!
You do NOT know everything. You’re going to have people, like your parents try to advise you and help you and so don’t be stupid and just listen to them. You are 18 years old and they’re much wiser and smarter than you are. You have been sheltered and don’t know anything really. You have no concept of money, bills, insurance, etc. It makes you look more stupid to not accept advice then it does when you try to do it all on your own to “prove you know what you’re talking about”. This spreads into situations too. Don’t just go off of what you hear about situations, people, and life in general. You hear something about a friend of yours? Talk to them about it before you act hastily. Don’t jump into a situation without knowing what you’re getting into, regardless of what others say. There are at least 2 sides to any story and numerous perspectives, and you should be responsible enough of an ‘adult’ to know both before you act. Don’t let people mislead you without knowing the whole story. Lastly, realize that your opinion or feeling is based on your experience. People around you may make mistakes or what you think is a bad decision but you don’t know where they’re at or what their experiences are that may have lead them down that path. Information is powerful and necessary so realize that often times, you don’t have enough of it and it’s responsible to get as much as you can before you act.
and lastly…
Learn to forgive yourself a little Reagan. You are gonna hurt people (more than you should), you’re gonna lie (sometimes to just try to maintain a sense of dignity through hard times and sometimes cause you just do), and numerous other things that God will teach you aren’t what He would have you do in the form of conviction. Listen to that conviction because it brings growth and clarity about your life, and always with a little more of a glimpse of who God is. However, realize that you have to forgive yourself because God did. God will forgive you and show you more grace and mercy in the next 14 years than He should. But, He doesn’t do that for you to beat up on yourself about years of mistakes and hard times. He wants you to realize the errors of your ways and start making better decisions so you can have a bright and abundant future. Somewhere around 31 and 32, you’ll start to realize it. You’ll start to realize that your role in this world, at the simplest, may be nothing more than to love those around you, unselfishly, loyally, and with no worry about gain to yourself. You’ll learn that God has loved you through being wretched and forgiven you for that, and that maybe your only job is to do that to those around you. In order though, you have to forgive yourself a little. You’ll make quite a few “small” boo-boo’s and a few monumental errors that will make you ashamed that you were capable of such a thing, but God will not only love you, He will keep you and bless you, not as a reward to wrong doing, but to help get you back on the “narrow path”.
This letter won’t fix everything and it shouldn’t. You’ll make mistakes and learn hopefully but if you’ll just take it and ponder, it should help avoid a few pitfalls that didn’t have to happen. I still don’t have all this fixed myself but I at least see it now where I didn’t see it then. Enjoy your early 30’s because they’re pretty good thus far and remember this…you are the only one that can make you someone you can be proud of…
14 years from now…
The General Store 